导语：相声（Crosstalk），一种民间说唱曲艺。它以说，学，逗，唱为形式，突出其特点。著名相声演员有马三立，张寿臣，侯宝林，刘宝瑞， 马季，侯耀文，苏文茂等。以下是小编整理英文相声剧本范本的资料，欢迎阅读参考。

　　Hospital anecdotes

　　Zhao: New Year's eve, here we represent the entire medical staff of the orthopaedic department.

　　Happy New Year and all the best.

　　Wang: the attendance rate is good today, except for those who didn't come.

　　Zhao: yes, they are all people who are identity-witnesses.

　　Wang: when I was a child, I looked forward to the Chinese New Year. I was looking forward to giving you a ten-dollar bill

　　Zhao: that's a lot

　　Wang: yes! Now the most afraid of the Spring Festival, the New Year home, give others red packets, less than 100, many thousands.

　　Zhao: yeah, I can't afford it.

　　Wang: actually, the Spring Festival is the unity of the picture. People gather together to chat about work and life.

　　Zhao: yes, please go to the restaurant.

　　Wang: it's too much to drink.

　　Zhao: after drinking too much, you can talk casually. For example, last time our colleagues ate at a small restaurant, one of our colleagues picked up a piece of liver and said to the other:

　　You say, is this the left or right lobe of the liver?

　　The other is also unambiguous, study a moment, affirmation ground say: left leaf! You can see that the branches of the portal vein go straight, and this is the characteristic of the left lobe of the liver.

　　And then he got a fat sausage and asked that, what kind of bowel do you think it was?

　　The former answer: this is the sigmoid colon, the fat composition is not much, the mucosa is smooth, TMD this restaurant is Mongolian!

　　And sell it to us with the sigmoid colon,

　　The boss!

　　The boss didn't come.

　　A man's face came pale at the next table:

　　Please,

　　I'm tied up at this table, don't you talk about it?

　　Wang: hey, why is it so bad that people can't eat it

　　Zhao: it's difficult to see a doctor now. "When you go to the hospital, what's the longest?"

　　Wang: "the longest time is registered."

　　Zhao: "what time is the shortest?"

　　Wang: "the shortest diagnosis time."

　　Zhao: "what is the most?"

　　Wang: "the amount of pay is the most."

　　Zhao: "what is the least?"

　　Wang: "the least doctors can see."

　　Zhao: the doctor also has difficulty, last week give a leadership to do B chao. Is a female section chief, to many people, must be to see carefully. Something went wrong.

　　Wang: ah, what's the matter?

　　Zhao: 40 weeks pregnant, quick production, review B ultrasound, fetal hands are invisible

　　Wang: ah, that's a problem

　　Zhao: yeah, I was scared of sweat.

　　Wang: call the director to see it

　　Zhao: yes, the director came, the ginger is still old hot, and said to the belly,

　　Comrade so-and-so, rise the director not to be proud, want to cooperate with the work

　　Wang: how's it going?

　　Zhao: do B chao again, see hands, TMD, back hands.

　　Wang: son is more X than ma.

　　Zhao: it's more funny than that! A few days ago to a hospital in the city to check medical records,

　　One of the hospitalized patients was written:

　　The weather is warm today, I go with the director to investigate the room, the director asked the patient how?

　　The patient said it felt very uncomfortable today because of the defecation, which could not have been pooping for three days.

　　Check: the bowel movement can see a wave of unlevelled.

　　Treatment: 1 piece of fruit, unsolved defecate, give 1 piece again, still do not solve.

　　Please refer to the chief physician for two more tablets.

　　The patient took a lot of shit after taking it,

　　The patient felt great, the patient smiled and I smiled.

　　At present, the patient's incision is very good and the patient can be discharged after a long time.

　　Wang: what's all this?

　　Zhao: SHH, (pick up the phone, answer the phone).

　　Wang: Mr. Zhao, there are emergency surgery

　　Zhao: of course, th

　　医院趣闻

　　赵：新年新气象，在这里我们代表骨科的全体医护人员向大家拜年了，

　　(合)祝大家新年快乐，万事如意。

　　王：今天的上座率不错啊，除了没来的都来了。

　　赵：是啊，来的还都是有身份-----证的人。

　　王：小时候最盼过年，盼着给红包，给个十块二十块钱，乐的跟什么似的

　　赵：那就不少啦

　　王：是啊!现在最怕过年，过年回家，给别人红包，少则100，多者上千。

　　赵：是啊，给不起啊。

　　王：实际上过年就是图个团结，大家聚一聚，聊聊工作、生活。

　　赵：是啊，到饭店请上一桌。

　　王：推盅换盏，不知不觉酒喝多了。

　　赵：喝多了，说话就随便了，你比如说，上次我们几个同事在一家小饭店吃饭，席间一个同事夹起一块肝，对另一个说：

　　你说，这是肝左叶还是右叶?

　　另一个也不含糊，研究一会，肯定地说：左叶!你看门静脉的分支走行角度比较平直，这是肝左叶的特点。

　　然后他夹了块肥肠，问那个，你说这是哪段肠管?

　　前者回答：这是乙状结肠，脂肪成分不多、粘膜光滑，TMD这家饭店蒙人!

　　用乙状结肠冒充直肠卖给我们，

　　老板!

　　老板没过来，

　　旁边桌一个哥们儿脸色苍白地来了：

　　求求你们，

　　你们这桌我结了，别聊这个了成么?

　　王：嘿，怎么那么损啊，还让人吃不吃啊

　　赵：现在上医院看病难啊。“你到医院看病，什么时间最长?”

　　王：“挂号等的时间最长。”

　　赵：“什么时间最短?”

　　王：“诊断时间最短。”

　　赵：“什么最多?”

　　王：“交费的次数最多。”

　　赵：“什么最少?”

　　王：“能看病的大夫最少。”

　　赵：医生也有难处啊，上个礼拜给一领导做B超。是个女科长，托了好多人来说，一定要给看仔细了。结果出事了。

　　王：啊，怎么回事?

　　赵：怀孕40周，快生产了，复查B超，胎儿双手看不见了

　　王：啊，那可麻烦了

　　赵: 是啊，当时吓了一身汗。

　　王:赶紧叫主任来看看吧

　　赵：是啊，主任来了，姜还是老的辣，对着肚皮说了一声，

　　某某同志，升了处长不要骄傲，要配合一下工作吗

　　王：怎么样?

　　赵：再做B超，看见双手了，TMD，背着手呢。

　　王：儿子比妈还牛X啊。

　　赵：比这好笑的还有呢!前几天到市上某家医院查病历，

　　看的一位住院医病程写到：

　　今天天气暖洋洋，我随主任去查房，主任问患者怎么样?

　　患者说今天感觉很不舒服，原因是排便，便不出便便3天。

　　查体：肠蠕动可见一波未平一波又起。

　　处理：果导1片，大便未解出，又给1片，还是没有解出。

　　请示××主治医师，指示再给2片。

　　病人服用后顺利解出许多大便，

　　患者感觉好极了，病人笑了，我也笑了。

　　目前患者切口长势喜人，假以时日，就可痊愈出院了。

　　王：这都是啥吗?

　　赵：嘘，(掏电话，接电话)，好的马上到。

　　王：赵老师，有急诊手术

　　赵：当然，已经有三个医生在那里了，就缺我一个了。王; Hi，三缺一啊。鞠躬，谢幕：

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